Alone. We are all alone if you really think about it. We all have our own feelings, imaginations, thoughts and perspective on everything that exists. If we see it from a human's point of view, but to see it from a soul's point of view, were not alone at all, ever. It's impossible for someone to experience what I actually experience in life. I can share my experience with others, but they would have their own perspective on the thing being described. No one could experience the pleasures and sorrows of my life unless they were me. Yes, we are seemingly alone in this life but only if we choose to be.
I find it fascinating that we are these self-working machines, we generate our own power to move, think, create, communicate and even reproduce. Our bodies do things without our knowledge or awareness. We have sensors over our entire body that sends us signals when something touches it or when something isn't right. It warns itself that something is wrong. Some things don't have sensors, so it doesn't overwhelm the important things. Circulation, lung function, constant firing of neurons, hair and fingernails growing. The liver, kidneys, pancreas, gall bladder, all filtering out the toxins and absorbing the nutrients. Is it just me or is that just the most amazing self-powering machine ever created? If we are aware of our body and it takes care of itself...who are we referring to when we say I? Isn't that Gods name? Is it God that is powering our energy? The unspoken knowledge of eating food, craving of certain nutrients, gut feelings of which decision to make? hmm.. makes ya think.
God is always with you; we tend to forget that because we don't see God as a physical being. My understanding about God when I was a kid, He was this man, in the heavens, watching, listening, and judging everything I was doing and what I was thinking about all the time. I actually didn't feel safe, I never had any privacy, wasn't able to think my own thoughts without fear of it being wrong. My understanding then, if I didn't behave like a godly child I was going to burn in hell and be tortured for the rest of my life. It never made sense to me; it terrified me. I took the teachings as God was supposed to Love all people, unconditionally and punish those to hell when they sinned, but I never heard anyone talk about what rewards he gave for being good besides everlasting life. As a kid, everlasting life sounded horrible to me, it was punishment also.
I never knew what or who God was, and I never understood why murdering Jesus was so important. To be blunt, looking at Jesus hanging on a cross was like looking at a murder scene. I was so terrified of church. People of the church would be crying, shouting, smiling, raising their hands to this man that was supposed to be pure, gentle, loving, a healer, he was Gods only son. I couldn't understand, why was he tortured for being good and living the life God asked him to? I was a kid, so the lessons weren't explained in a child's language. If God allowed Jesus to be tortured, I didn't have a chance with my thoughts and actions, God would've never looked my direction or by any means answered my prayers. So many questions I had, and no one would answer them. they would just tell me don't question God, you just have to trust him. That wasn't good enough for me.
Fear God? As far back as I can remember, the word "fear" was scary. Fear was something I dealt with almost on a daily basis at certain times in my childhood. I feared my dad. I was scared to disappoint him, argue or question his decisions. I've watched him hurt my mom and my siblings for doing things that he thought were wrong, so that fear kept me on a straight and narrow path, well not exactly. I just learned to lie about some things, so he never found out. My dad would tell me about the hardships of his growing up and how they were dirt poor and mistreated. He also became a very wealthy man running his own business through hard work, determination and respect for others, (strangers). I had the most upmost respect for my dad in that area, because he sort of exposed his burdens and I got to see and feel his pain though his teaching on how to be successful. My dad wasn't the type to sympathize when you did wrong or made a mistake though, he would have a look of disgust and showed no empathy. I understand now that I'm an adult; it was how he was raised, he knew only what he was taught. Building a business was something he never seen growing up, so he was learning what worked and didn't work, what made more money and what didnt. As far as family went, his family taught him that love didn't exist...it was only respect and disrespect, a day without a beating meant he was being good, to my father, that was love. If my dad had never told me about the struggles when he was a child, I don't think I would've ever understood why he was so hateful to family and nice to strangers. Don't take this as my dad was horrible, he was a great dad. He showed his love through making sure we were never hungry, never without shelter, and never without the things we needed. sharing his wealth is how he showed love, maybe it was something he thought his family needed as a kid to make a happier home, I guess.
The boring stories told from our parents, "I had to walk 5 miles, in the snow, uphill both ways to school, just to find out it was closed" "I never once had a new pair of jeans, I wore patches over top of patches" "I got one pair of shoes a year and those were hand-me-downs' "I woke up every winter morning with snow on my bed, snow would blow in through the cracks of the house" "I never got to play as a kid, I had to chop firewood, or tend to the animals and the fields" "You don't even know the meaning of hungry". I hated hearing those stories, but those stories were like little seeds in my brain as I grew, letting me know that my parents would do anything they could to keep me from living the life that they had to live. That takes me back to God; did my parents know God? Were they taught the same? Did they think they were unworthy of grace, love or joy? The word of God gets lost in the preachers' own words sometimes and doesn't reach the ears of those who don't understand.
In my 20's, preachers with their bibles come to my home and they would try to get me to attend church. I admit I cringed when I saw them coming and when they mentioned God, Jesus or being saved. I didn't want to hear it, my understanding was, it was useless to go because I was a sinner and I was going to hell anyway. I did go to church sometimes, maybe to make an appearance or get them off my back, or maybe it was God reaching out. (my understanding is different now) My understanding of God at that time, was a little different than when I was a child, but it still never made any sense. The preachers would just preach that everyone was a sinner, and no one was worthy of heaven, I had better be saved or I was doomed to hell. I already had 2 kids with different dads and living with a man I wasn't married to. I would drink occasionally, smoke cigarettes, and cuss a little. According to the preachings, I had a lot of sins to repent for. I didn't feel any closer to God, I actually felt further away, guilty, shamed. like I had totally blown my chance for God to see me ever being a faithful believer. Until I heard Joel Osteen...(hear me out) Joel never got me believing in God, Joel got me interested in who God was, Joel made me feel like I was seen, and God loved me because he made me. No preacher has ever looked at me and said, God has always been there with you, but when you choose to let go and handle life without instructions and guidance, God is still there but if you don't recognize him, you cannot see the path he lays out for you. You're like a blind lost sheep. Gods not going to leave you, he can't, he is what made you, but he's not going to pacify you either. He will bring forth what you ask for and make it available. Its up to you to trust and have faith. If I ask for a home because I am homeless, a home will not just magically appear. God will set before you a path to take. It may be a piece of trash with a company name to ask for a job, a person who is rude to you and you bless them and pray for them only to find out they come back and give you a new start in life. No one knows how their life is planned out and what steps you have to take. Just trust that God is always laying out what is best for you even if it feels like you have been abandoned.
I heard a saying once; when you talk to yourself in your head just imagine you are whispering in Jesus' ear so he can translate it directly to God. Imagine God as your life's printer and Jesus is your computer. What are you preparing to print out? Are you complaining about the life you are living? Or are you giving thanks for the life you are living? When we focus and complain about what we are not getting, we are printing and receiving more of it. What do you complain about most? Money? Bills? Job? family? Try an experiment, if you find yourself complaining about not having enough money, turn it around and whisper in Jesus' ear (thinking to yourself) I am so Thankful I have what I have, Thank you for those times I had gave when I couldn't give much. I do have the means to make as much money as I want to make. Are you complaining about being stuck in a job or a relationship and see no way out? I am Thankful every day that I wake up because I know I am meant for something greater. I am thankful for the ability to see the sun rise, and the seasons change, I am thankful for having choices and the ability to make better choices for my future. If you can imagine yourself having what you want, Thank God today and every day for opening doors and opportunities to get you where you want to be.
We keep ourselves stuck, out of fear. Fear of failing, fear of losing what we have accomplished, fear of what other people might think, or maybe fear of not knowing what could happen. We let money tell us what our worth is, and we let people with money intimidate us. MONEY doesn't make you a better person, nor does it make you more important. It's what YOU do with money that makes you feel important. $100 to a millionaire is laughable. $100 to a jobless struggling father is like a million dollars. Same amount of money but it's the different receivers that change the value of that $100.
Moral of this story… when you think you’re alone in this life and feel like you’re not worthy, loved or heard, remember this… God is always listening, God waits patiently for you to ask him to help when you feel alone and helpless . God wants to hear the good things you have to say also. Ask him for forgiveness for the things you don’t know and the things you do know you feel were wrong. God cannot intervene in your worldly life unless you call on him to do so. Forgive yourself and others and trust God to guide your path…
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